Coming home from ECFE tonight, my mind is full of thoughts about this evening's discussion. We discussed media and its impact on our children's lives. Jeff and I have been pretty adamantly anti-screen time with Leif since he was a baby. I remember a moment of mental clarity in the midst of the fog of being a first time parent with a newborn. Leif was asleep in my arms and I was trying to get caught up on facebook while he napped. At one point I looked down at Leif and he was wide awake staring at me with a very inquisitive look on his face. It was one of the first times he was really studying and looking at me and I almost missed it. I thought for a moment that nothing is more important than this nonverbal connection between me and my little boy. And I thought, Leif deserves better than this. I am not going to be a half attentive parent who multitasks between their online presence and their interactions with their kids. From that point on, I was really good about only going online when Leif was already in bed. Leif never watched a show, a movie or even a 30 second youtube clip until he was over the age of 2. The only screen time he had was video chatting with my family. But as his quest for independence developed and the challenges of parenting have become more complicated, screen temptation has set in. Juggling the needs of a 3-year-old and a 5-month-old can be exhausting. When there is dinner to be made or laundry to be folded, the Magic School Bus or Mister Rogers are incredibly inviting.
Tonight's discussion with other parents reignited the thoughts and feelings I had about media from when Leif was a baby. My parent educator/guru said something tonight that I've heard her say before, but I needed to hear it again. "When your child is in front of a screen, what is he not doing?" So with the kids sound asleep, I am now thinking about what Leif is not doing when he is in front of a screen. The easy answers are "he is not demanding my attention", "he is not making a mess", and "he is not in the way of x, y and z." But here are the real answers that I need to keep in mind.
1. He is not reading a book.
2. He is not building a tower with blocks.
3. He is not singing a song.
4. He is not pretending a stick is a guitar.
5. He is not making his sister laugh.
6. He is not drawing a picture.
7. He is not outside.
8. He is not pretending his bear is at the doctor.
9. He is not turning the couch into a canoe and paddling down the Mississippi.
10. He is not looking out the window.
11. He is not picking flowers in our yard.
12. He is not turning the chairs and kitchen stools into a bus.
13. He is not cutting magazines and gluing the pieces.
14. He is not playing his ukelele.
15. He is not planting a garden.
16. He is not learning to measure and pour ingredients.
17. He is not hearing silence.
18. He is not riding his bike.
19. He is not climbing a tree.
20. He is not imagining that he is a firefighter and using a shoelace as a fire hose.
21. He is not telling me about his day at preschool.
22. He is not playing school and pretending to be Miss Elisa.
23. He is not putting a plastic bin on his head and pretending it is an oxygen mask for scuba diving.
24. He is not tickling his sister and laughing when he sees her smile.
25. He is not painting a picture and mixing colors to see what they make.
26. He is not baking cookies with play dough.
27. He is not building a train track and pretending to make a delivery.
28. He is not taking our junkmail and acting as a mailman, putting letters in different kitchen cabinets.
29. He is not making up silly rhymes.
30. He is not doing an experiment with sand, water and mud.
31. He is not swinging on his swingset.
32. He is not building a snowman.
33. He is not learning how to pick a raspberry without squishing it.
34. He is not asking me about my work.
35. He is not turning the fireplace hearth into a stage and performing a show.
36. He is not imagining or wondering.
37. He is not putting clothes on his doll.
38. He is not turning the ottoman into a cajon and pounding a rhythm.
39. He is not playing hide-and-seek.
40. He is not learning the rules of Candyland.
41. He is not building a fort.
42. He is not noticing the clouds and saying that he thinks it might rain.
43. He is not cutting the clover flowers with scissors pretending to be the Oncler cutting down truffula trees.
44. He is not finding out what snow tastes like.
45. He is not discovering just how far he can push the balloon before it pops.
46. He is not pretending to be a doctor and using a crayon as a shot.
47. He is not learning that he can play on his own and doesn't need a playtime manager.
48. He is not telling a joke.
49. He is not dramatically reenacting the day's events.
And last, but not least,
50. He is not learning to hear his thoughts and be present in the moment.
We are never going to be a family with no screens, nor are we delusional in thinking that technology will not play an important role in our kids' lives. But we are going to continue to keep screens rare and reserved for special family movie nights or long airplane trips. I will not use them as pacifiers because I don't think it is helping my children's development of emotional regulation. Childhood is quick; I don't want my children to waste it in front of a screen. I want them to fully experience childhood with all of their senses, feel all of their emotions, and have amazing memories to look back on.
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